WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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