He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
