My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
