i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We got so high we made milksteak
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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