your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
