I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
