My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
