Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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