i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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