Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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