I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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