What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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