No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
