He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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