I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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