U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
