I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it because I queefed?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
