I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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