Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
