I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
