I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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