$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
