Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Enjoy the penises
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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