it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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