Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize