The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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