1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
