Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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