just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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