So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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