You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.