If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida