I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.