sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed