Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.