Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
