i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
