I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
