You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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