you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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