I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
