i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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