How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
