dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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