Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
