Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
