did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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