I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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