From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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