I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think i have two assholes
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
