Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
