the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
