i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
