got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
