You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
