I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
