if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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