I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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