every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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