I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
