Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
