I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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