Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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