Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize