Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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