Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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