Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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