Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
