shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
