After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i now understand why vodka
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
