I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
