..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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