This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
