Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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