Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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