Betty ford says i'm here all night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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