Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
