just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
