i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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