He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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