If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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