just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
