just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
