tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
high people should be assigned attendants
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
