I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We named our party play list daddy issues
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
