i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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