Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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