When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
